Guys have it tough. We have to always make the first move when we want to talk to a girl. Even if the girl really fancies a guy, for some reason she won’t talk to him even if it means missing out on potential true love for the rest of her life! Afterward, she’ll pout to all her friends why the guy never came up to her. Well guess what? Approaching an attractive stranger is sometimes petrifying for people with balls too!
Let’s take it a step further with marriage. Even if a girl wants to marry her boyfriend of five years, she is willing to miserably wait for many more years instead of straight up asking him to marry her! Such strange social habits we practice don’t you think?
Of course as we approach the year 2013, things are much more balanced now. Girls come up to me left and right asking me to buy them a drink only to walk away after they’re done. I have a strong theory why men have an edge in getting what they want in the workplace. The simple answer is that men have been trained since a very young age to get the girl or else be doomed to a life with Palmela.
Now you know why I’m often bringing up the topic of relationships. If you can develop your relationship building skills, I strongly believe you will increase your chances of getting what you want.
When you put yourself out there, your heart will inevitably get stomped on. You won’t die, but you might end up a little depressed that she ends up dating your wingman instead of yourself. But a funny thing happens after a while. With each rejection, you care a little bit less. When you care a little bit less, you get a little more bold. And once you get very bold, good things start happening!
Being bold means being confident with rejection. Being confident with rejection allows you to devise strategies on how to reduce your failures and increase your victories. Those who have put themselves out their in the dating world the most are the most skilled at getting promotions and raises in the workplace. It’s a numbers game at the end of the day.
One of the binds most of us get into is when we need to break up with somebody who still wants to be with us for whatever reason. Most relationships don’t end happily ever after, just like how most jobs don’t end with 40 years of bliss and a wonderful pension. Times have changed, and we should adapt.
I personally hate breaking up with a girl who still really cares for me. If she hates me, wonderful! It hurts me to see another person cry. I just can’t stand it. Crying makes me want to do everything possible to make her stop. That sometimes includes staying in a relationship longer than is healthy.
Scared men like me love to employ the “It’s not you it’s me” strategy in breaking up. Even though it’s obviously you, we want to think it’s really us who are bad for you. Since nobody is perfect, this breakup strategy is easy to deploy.We can talk about that one time we forgot to bring back a present from an overseas trip. We can remind her of when we went on some raunchy bachelor party. Or we can say how we don’t earn enough money and aren’t good enough for her, although that generally creates more empathy, so I would advise against!
Whatever our excuse, we have to be sincere about our faults so that when the inevitable severance comes, we will both feel better about ourselves. Let’s a take a look at how this relates to wanting to leave your job.
If you no longer feel your job is the right fit for you, you should consider employing the same “it’s not you it’s me” strategy as you do in your love life. Some would argue that people dedicate more of their lives to their jobs than to their loved ones! That’s not hard to imagine given the average person spends nine hours a day in an office.
1) Be delicate. The reason why you are employed is because you are deemed more valuable employed than gone. When your manager loves you more than you love your manager, you’ve got to break it to him or her gently. Take them out for some dessert to get their defenses down. Tell them “you need to have a talk” in the morning so their mind is left wondering all throughout the day. When it’s time to finally talk, they will be expecting the worst, but hoping for the best.
2) Be conflicted. Even if your manager is the biggest two-faced liar you’ve ever known, don’t let them feel your anger. Instead, express confliction as you blame yourself for such poor performance for not getting the raise your manager promised you earlier in the year. It doesn’t matter that you actually performed very well. Your manager knows it and knows he s/he should have delivered on the promise. Now you are strategically calling their bluff and making them feel bad!
3) Be adamant. As a desired employee, your manager will try to make you feel special. She’ll shower you with promises of a better future. Don’t let her do it. Remind yourself of all her lies, slights, and ball busting moments. But once again, don’t show your disdain. Instead, show your appreciation. It’s time to start planting the seeds of doubt in your manager’s mind that she will ever be able to get you back by now reminding her of your underperformance.
4) Be average. Remember, nobody is perfect. I’m sure everyone has come late to work one day, missed a deadline, or underperformed in some way. It’s your job to remind your boss about such underperformances so that s/he will volunteer you for redundancy in the next round. If you’re overly critical about your failures, it may result in your boss really loving you for your humility! If you do a good job at selling yourself poorly, then it is only a matter of time before you’ll be sent packing with a nice severance.
5) Be melancholy. You don’t want to show tremendous glee as you collect a severance from a job that was making you miserable. This means no Tweets, emails, or Facebook updates writing how awesome it is to be free from prison. Smile on the inside! Instead, you’ve got to act a little sad so that nobody comes gunning for you. Always be the underdog to get ahead. By showing a position of weakness, you keep the doors open to potentially return to your old employer or your old industry. But first, you must see what else is out there!
One of the best readings I encourage employee to read is the Harvard Business Review Classic, “How To Manage Your Boss.”
It took me several months of planning, and one month of negotiations before I finally engineered my layoff. I ran a sizable eight figure business and was the face of the firm in the region for the past 11 years. I knew that if I left, revenue would go down by the millions of dollars. Business-wise, letting me go was a bad move.
However, I convinced my employer that my subordinate could handle the business because I trained him well. I reminded my employer how much cheaper he was than me and also brought up some of my accounts that still needed a lot of work. I then convinced them to do the right thing by cutting costs in this tough economic environment. They were planning on cutting costs anyway, but weren’t exactly thinking of letting go of one of their largest producers.
My employer and I had a very solid relationship. The relationship was build through years of strong performance and a personal relationship with various managers. I spent time cultivating these relationship to a point where I could happily grab a beer and talk about anything. Building relationships based on trust is key. In the end, we created a win-win scenario where I got the severance package that I wanted, and they fulfilled a requirement to downsize without having to feel guilty.
If you want to leave a job you no longer enjoy, I negotiating a severance instead of quitting. If you negotiate a severance like I did back in 2012, you not only get a severance check, but potentially subsidized healthcare, deferred compensation, and worker training. Since you got laid off, you’re also eligible for up to 27 weeks of unemployment benefits. Having a financial runway is huge during your transition period.
Conversely, if you quit your job you get nothing. Check out, How To Engineer Your Layoff: Make A Small Fortune By Saying Goodbye, on how to negotiate a severance. I first published the book in 2012 and have since expanded it to 180 pages from 100 pages in the 3rd edition thanks to tremendous reader feedback and successful case studies.
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Updated for 2021 and beyond.